• Debby Kruszewski

Itsy Bitsy Spider…

Updated: May 3, 2021


I don’t know why I had a fear of spiders. I mean, they are creepy as shit. They give me the chills and everyone jumps when they see one.


But why?


I mean, I loved Charlotte’s web and probably will still cry once I read it again or watch the movie again. If a pig could love a spider, why can’t I?


I still jump when I see one.


I feel it’s presence when I walk into a room and I do a “spider check” when I am in a new environment.


I can’t help it. I was terrified. For no reason.


So, one day-perhaps during a COVID crazy person locked in a house for months-I decided to make friends with the spiders that filled the crazy room in my brain. I made a deal with them.


“Alright, let’s make a deal. You can stay as long as you need to. But if you get in my face-you will not live. All good?”


So far- the plan has worked out. Until yesterday.


There was a tiny baby spider that I thought was on the outside, he was on the inside of my car. On my windshield in my view.


F%$##$^K


I have no idea how I made it to my destination in one piece as I starred it down the whole time. I pulled into my spot and got myself together to leave, the spider was standing there on my dashboard and looked at me.


I MEAN LOOKED AT ME!


He was scared and terrified of me. I sat in the moment and looked back at him and started talking to him.


“Little buddy, I am scared too. I was scared for years of you. Scared that you would hurt me, and I always ended up hurting you instead.


Each and every time.


But little guy…

I am scared of everything I have on my plate today.

Scared of tomorrow.

Scared of failure.

Scared of disappointment.

I had been putting all of that fear into you, little tiny insect that is more afraid of me than I am of you.”


He stepped back as if he was listening and heard me.


We sat in the silence together, both afraid. I left him alone and when I came back, he was gone.


He came back.


Today I went for a walk to Walter’s (if you have never been you must go!) there was another baby spider. Wanting no part of me or cared that I was there at all. It was his spot not mine.


l looked up the meaning of a spider.


Spider is the symbol for the infinite possibilities of creation. Her eight legs represent the directions on the Medicine Wheel and the four winds of change. ... Spider Medicine represents the female energy of the creative force that weaves the beautiful designs of life.*


Well, I needed to hear that today.


In my day of freaking out and making myself crazy about all of the unknowns I have working in this world, I needed to hear that I am being faced with the infinite possibility of creation and the creative force that I am weaving.


My web may now be used as a place to catch all the good things in my life instead of holding hostage all of the bad and past that I no longer need.


Thank you Charlotte and your web.




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*https://doowans.com/spider-medicine/

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