• Debby Kruszewski

18 Notebooks

Updated: Dec 17, 2021

The Extra-Terrestrial

I woke up abruptly at 3am and instantly said “E.T. phone home!” This is not so unusual to have this early am wake-up. It was the answer I was looking for. 3am seems to be my moment of the day where I get lots of answers that I ponder on.

The night before ended in me pacing as I was strategizing a marketing plan for my rebranding. Although I have a team working on it, the content and proper messaging belongs to me.

How do I get your attention?

I know. The point is always to get your attention. I am stuck on the “grabber”. All I had in my head was the COKE commercial from my childhood:

“I like to teach the world to sing.”

When the pacing got old, I went to bed at about 12:30am hymning that tune until I awoke at 3am.

So, there was my answer: The Extra-Terrestrial.

As I am attempting to make a mark in this world, it feels impossible.

E.T. became a clear message of my mission and raw ugliness that needs to be built into confidence and love for myself and others.

In this movie all we are asked of is to “BELIEVE” even when we don’t know how to define the unknown.

My memory goes straight to the scene in The Extra-Terrestrial Where Elliot introduces E.T. to food and especially learning about drinking a Coke.

“I like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony.

I’d like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company.”

The voice in my head led me to this classic 80’s movie.

The simplicity of learning how letting my light shine keeps me connected to others.

“He came to me.”-Elliot

The Unknown Soldier

A few weeks ago, on November 19th, 2021 I decided to rid of all the things in my life that no longer served me.

I filled up over 25 bags of items, multiple pieces of furniture, tattoos, and events that don’t fit into my schedule.

I found a pile of cards, quotes, and some memories I was not ready to rid of. I wasn’t prepared to go through them at that time.

I found a spot for them on the high shelf in my linen closet.

One day I will. It isn’t going to be today.

I walked away from that space into another room as I needed some time to digest the ridding I had performed.

I felt a sadness as if I was in mourning a death. I felt so close to this person, yet I had no idea who it could be.

The feeling was real and still is.

I started to pray to the unknown soldier.

Still in the other room, I heard a paper fall from the space I had just left. What it could be because the shelf is secure, and the papers were placed deep onto it.

What could it be?

Out of curiosity, I ran to take a look.

It was a reminder of my past I told myself to let go of because it was not acceptable in my social society. My feelings are confused at this moment of why he wanted to show his presence.

The date of November 19th on his memorial card flashed as this day is the anniversary of his death.

I smiled as we have had much forgiveness since then, but I reminded myself that if I bring it up to anyone the eye rolls and sighs were so loud it was best that I leave it be.

I didn’t feel that I had the right to mourn him.

Voices came in my head reminding me of how cruel and long ago he left my life and maybe he was dead to me all the way back then.

But he was a part of my life at some point.

I put the memorial card back and went about my business.

He was not my unknown soldier, but a friend with a reminder of something I needed to hear.

I didn’t know yet what that meant.

Ted Lasso

When my friend introduced me to this show all she said was “it is everything”. Yup, I laughed as I started the series and waited for the “everything”.

After 2 seasons, I cannot wait for season 3 because Ted Lasso inspires me every day.

He showed me the meaning of Believing and how important E.T. and the unknown soldier really are to me.

He showed me how to “win” when it feels impossible.

He showed me that he can fly on his BMX and take E.T. home (maybe that part is in season 3)

He touches hearts like no other.

I relate to his quirkiness.

The crazy one liner’s.

Overcoming hurt.

Overcoming anxiety.

Getting people to believe in you as you are trying so hard to believe in yourself.

Not knowing what you are doing but you are doing it.

Creating the team that exceed expectations within themselves and on the field.

Ted Lasso is for sure “Everything”.

All he asks of everyone is to simply “Believe”

18 Notebooks

When I woke up at 3am this morning, I did the universal 101 "don’t" of sleep cycles and checked my phone.

I already knew what time it was because I have learned in my lifelong challenge of not sleeping to tell time without a clock.

I checked my phone. 3:00am confirmed.

I also had 8 text messages.

What do people seriously need from me between 12:30am and 3am?

Time doesn’t always have relevance. When people need to talk. They need to talk.

As I chuckle at some of the messages there is the one that

“I am not supposed to answer.”

That message really hurt to walk away from.

It did not put me back to sleep.

My mind drifted back to November 19th, 2021, to the memorial card that fell to the floor.

He was trying to tell me something.

I remembered the summer of 2019 which was not one of my best looks.

2019 in general was not one of my finer moments.

I would like to bottle that year up and put it into a black trash bag and send it on its way.

On a fine summer day in 2019 I was at the park catching some sun wasting time on Facebook.

The fabulous algorithm did it’s magic and the face from the pre-memorial card appeared as “someone I may know.”

“Hi Mark Zuckerberg? Yea, it’s me DKrusz. I think you have this all wrong because he ghosted me like 10 years ago after he broke my heart and well, I think it is best that we “not be friends”. Can you take care of that please? Gracias.”

That summer I was so angry.

I was mad at everyone around me because I decided I was so behind in my life.

I stared each day at my cluttered bookshelf and saw all my dreams sitting there with dust.

I gave up.

I really did not want to have a future and that was a hard avenue I turned myself away from.

That summer day in 2019 I felt a deep pit of pain inside of me and again, confusion.

“He needs to talk.” The voice inside of me said.

My pit of pain felt deeper.

I played around with that message from God.

Algorithms don’t lie. They are a message someone is trying to find you.

After a few weeks and the pre-memorial card face coming back up on my Facebook list, I listened to the eye rolls and sighs that won over the voice of God.

I Facebook blocked him.

Today on this early am I looked again at the new person I am not supposed to answer.

I felt the eye rolls and the sighs and pushed them away.

I can feel that he is upset and hurt.

I thought of that summer back in 2019 when someone from my past “needed to talk” and I told God “no.”

Maybe we are connected like Elliot and E.T..

I can feel his pain.

I put my forgiveness on the table.

“he needs to talk” the voice said again.

I listened.

I phoned “Home” telling God “yes.”

I answered the text.

Back to my day of ridding.

I came to my bookcase and rid of almost everything on the shelves.

I came across some stationary and a group of 18 notebooks.

These notebooks were all gifts from some point in my life that I kept with me.

Why again did I keep these?”

“18 F**in notebooks?” I screamed

The repeat of this statement took me to pacing all around my home and voices screaming at me from my past and more than anything the most recent weeks.

“You can’t”

“No, not you.”

“Do it my way.”

“Sure, right.”

“You won’t get that done.”

“For real?”

“Yeah ok.”

The hurtful chuckles.

The being ignored when you don’t have the same point of view.

The pain of being dismissed and believing in the dismissal.

The list can keep going, all the messages were so loud my head was pounding.

I lived for so long in all the negative messages it really hurt.

Negative messages had blocked me from my life and a piece of myself I was mourning.

My soldier was identified.

I gave that missing piece of me a well-deserved hug. I am sure there was also a glass of wine.

Take that Dream Crushers!

“Thank you for coming, I wish you well on your way. Dream crushing is no longer welcome here.”

It was time for all 18 notebooks to be sent on their way.

I realized these gifts were from friends and people who love me.

They saw my light and asked me to fill these notebooks with dreams and goals knowing that if I can do them, they can follow their dreams as well.

When I rid of them, I knew that I could have filled them, but then they would sit on pages in a box and on a shelf.

That is not where dreams belong. Dreams deserve to be fulfilled and made!

Instead, I wished these notebooks a farewell and sent them on their way.

I believe they will help someone else who really needs a notebook and map out their dreams.

I will now focus on the sign over my door that says “BELIEVE” and touch it each time I enter my office and not look back.

God is always standing with me. My light is shing bright. All I needed was to “Phone Home.”

Thank you for believing in me. I love all the positive messages and texts at any hour of the day. They make me smile.

For those hesitated to reach out to someone. My advice is, just do it. You never know who’s heart you can touch.

For the eye rollers and sighers, I hope that one day my journey will help you also believe in yourself and your dreams.

Need help getting there? My Dream Manager ™ program starts in late January! This twelve-month journey is all about YOU and knowing your dreams are attainable because they are in your heart for a reason! They don’t need to sit on the shelf any longer.

If I can make it happen, you can too!

Love you all, have a Coke and a smile.

Wishing you and your families a wonderful Holiday Season!

I would love to hear from you! Please leave a comment below and follow me on social media @debbykrusz .

You can sign-up for my newsletter, set-up a 15-minute assessment call, purchase my books and more here: https://linktr.ee/DebbyKrusz

If you haven't read "Soul Meets Body" my latest novel out now, make sure you check it out! Link above 🖕🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

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